Why do we get bored?

This article on boredom was written by Palmeira Practice counsellor Shelley Holland.

We've all had that uncomfortable experience of being bored. It's both emotionally and physically painful, that frustrating, gut-churning, heart-thumping, sometimes overwhelming feeling we get when we're stuck in a situation we have no control over, waiting for a delayed train, sitting through a lecture that seems to be dragging on forever.

The emotion of boredom

Boredom is a surprisingly under-researched emotion, considering all of us experience it to some degree. But some people have a very low tolerance for it and find themselves bored a lot. Alongside shame, another emotion that doesn't get much research attention, boredom is one of the hardest feelings to sit with, and it's not surprising that people who struggle with it are constantly looking for ways to get rid of it.

That search for relief can tip into risk-taking or thrill-seeking, sometimes into dangerous territory. People may take risks with money, relationships, sex, or drugs, overeat, drink too much, and generally end up more prone to accidents simply because they're putting themselves in riskier situations more often.

All of us get bored. Whilst it's a very under researched emotion, it's important to explain why it happens and what we can do about it.

Why do we get bored?

The research points to boredom being a problem with attention, difficulty focusing, and with arousal, meaning emotional arousal, whether that's hyper-arousal (too high) or hypo-arousal (too low).

People with high arousal levels might notice anxiety, racing thoughts, impulsivity, a manic quality to their thinking, agitation or jitteriness. People with low arousal levels tend to feel numb, passive, disconnected, or shut down.

We're all somewhere on that spectrum, and we can move up or down it across our lives. People at the lower end of the arousal scale tend not to experience boredom very often. Control matters too, we're far more likely to feel bored in situations where we have little or no agency, like that delayed train, because there's nothing we can actually do to change things.

So boredom tends to hit hardest when someone with high energy and high arousal can't settle into a task or activity. They're almost too jittery to focus, left wanting relief that isn't available. In trying to escape that discomfort, people often reach for riskier experiences, which works for a while, but ends up adding even more arousal into a system that's already overloaded. Anxiety, impulsivity and agitation increase rather than ease, so more and more thrill-seeking gets sought out to counter it, which only deepens the problem. For some people, that ongoing state of emotional arousal can tip into more serious mental health difficulties.

The obvious answer isn't the solution: engaging in exhilarating activities can actually make boredom worse.

How do we cure boredom?

The instinct is usually to look outward for a solution, a new job, a new relationship, a new car, more exciting things to fill the time. It feels logical: if the world around us is dull, change the world.

But the research points the other way entirely. Studies on boredom and on the body's arousal system suggest the real fix is slowing that arousal down, not adding more stimulation to it. Practices like relaxation, meditation, or mindfulness help far more than another dose of excitement. And the focus needs to shift inward rather than outward. Used well, boredom can actually be a springboard to creativity, people who lean into it rather than fight it often get inventive and resourceful.

A few small starting points

If boredom shows up often for you, a few things worth trying:

• Notice the urge to reach for your phone, a snack, or something stimulating the moment boredom appears, and sit with the feeling for just a minute or two before acting on it

• Try a short, simple mindfulness or breathing practice when the restlessness builds, even five minutes can help settle the nervous system

• Ask yourself what the boredom might be pointing to, is there something in your life, a sense of purpose or direction, that is really what needs attention

Boredom is often a signal that life feels a bit meaningless in that moment, and it can be a useful trigger to look inward and reconnect with what really matters to you. With a clearer sense of purpose, and a calmer baseline level of arousal, boredom can become an occasional, ordinary experience rather than the destructive force it is for some people.

If you're struggling with boredom and it feels like it's driving choices you're not happy with, counselling can help you understand what's underneath it and find a different way through.

If you're struggling with issues around boredom, counselling can help you better understand how to overcome this problem. Contact Shelley Holland via our contact form.